Back In Time
by SMS13
Summary: Short stand-alone in Carter's POV. It's a quick but good read (at least I hope so...)


Author's Notes: Simple Standalone. I was bored during Study Hall. Hope you like!! And I hate disclaimers. But these characters are not mine. Leave me alone. I have nothing you could possible want except for my writing ability which just happens to be better than Chulack's, or Czulas, as I've begun calling him in Polish.. LOL   
  
He flipped the picture of her inbetween his fingers. The rain patted down a small bit of land, enough to sustain life. The constant pitter patter of the drops upon the metal siding sheltering the building which he called home for the last few months. He was going home soon. But not soon enough. He sat on the straw chair, resting after a lon day of dying patients and disease. This wasn't America. People had to fight everyday for a crumb of food, a drop of clean water. he leaned his head back, thinking of her. he thought about her more than ever lately. Was she okay? She was strong. But not unbreakable. He hoped she was holding herself together, for the sake of both of them. He had sene her in so many ways. The betrayer, the hated. Because of her had he been sent to Atlanta. The friend. The best friend. Only with her did he feel completely at east. Only she could chase away the demons that possessed him during his rehab. He could still picture her, as if she was sitting right next to him. On that trip to Oklahoma. tha's hwne he realized he loved her. He loved her. Simple words that never seemed to truely encompass what he felt. She had her hair short, messy and raveled because of the wind. The brown highlights showed up in the morning sun. She looked sad, unhappy, worried, scared. Like someone who had been through everything yet still had no clue what to expect. And he watched her. Her patience, her rage, her anger, her frustration, her sympathy, her love. Everything about her captivated him then. He had staye dwith her through her weakest times. He had seen her grow. She had changed. Maturity finally talking its full blown course. She used to be easily impressed, more talkative, more determined. And she slowly withered away, hiding her true self, wanting internally to be set free. He noticed she smiled less often, barely with him. She held a higher regard for patients, for families, a lower one for herself. He watched her break-up, her pain, although it was hard to notice. Her emptiness, distance. Her uncertainty. his self control almost gave in at times. He wanted to be there with her. Hold her. To tell her everything would be okay. And finally he did. His life changed forever. Never had he wanted something more to work, to be perfect, even with all the imperfections. The chaos that was her. So many sides, so many dimensions, each one better, tougher, harder. She was distancing herself. He realized it too late. But he didn't care. Nothing could have him torn away. He was not in love with the image of her, or who she could be, but who she really was. At times he would have done anything to take her pain away. He stood by her side through it all. But what made it all so different? Maggie had been twice as bad, destroyed her twice as painfully. But something about going because he wanted to, to help her, as her friend, the one thing she needed most. He had also wanted to impress her, show her what he could be to her. It changed. He felt like he had to go deal with her family. Her baggage. He was like a dog on a leash. Everywhere she went, he had to follow. He had enough. Yet he would still go. Because that's what love does to you. Dealing with the good and the bad equally. They grew apart. She continued her act of self protection, more against her brother than him. But he was encompassed. She wanted to change. He realized that now. She wanted to change and he pushed her down. he didn't know how or what he had done. he had left. He should have stayed. He had made the same stupid mistake twice. Then many more. He wanted to detach himself from her. Attempt to move on. But she controlled him. He was still holding on. He finally realized what Luka had gone through. She had this unbelieveable hold on him. Everything in him screamed to hate her, to leave her, to get away. Yet it was impossible. He tried anything to get his mind off of her. Alcohol did little. Narcotics he swore off forever. It would only make his pain worse, since she was the one who got him to stop in the first place. And then there were the women. He blamed her, halfway around the world for doing this to him. But he knew he was at fault. He knew apologizes would get tossed out the window. She wouldn't be mad. She would just be hurt. She wouldn't be able to trust him again. She probably had a reason not to. But he wishe dhe could set the clock back in time. Back to that walk on the beach, that day by the river, the weekend on the road, the night with sundeas.. Back in time, only to be close to her. 


End file.
